Possible Facebook Statuses...

1. " Oh, New Year's was great, until an overdose happened."

2. " Nothing like an attempted suicide to kill the holiday spirit."

3. " How'd we ring in the New Year? Filling out 302 papers."

4. "Oh, everything was great, except for the accidental ingestion of pills."

5. " Hey, nothing like a good stomach pumping to ring in the New Year."


I have been trying so hard for the last few days to bring levity to a very troubling situation. I have felt fear, worry, concern and outright anger and outrage. You see, the story is a long one. Not one I will tell very well. My emotions are strong, and have surprised even me a bit.

On Monday, January 2, 2012 we decided to enjoy our last day of Christmas Break with the kiddos and go out to breakfast. We rarely go out to eat with the monsters. They are loud and get antsy as little people will do. The very smart host gave us a large corner booth, and the kids were really very good and had a good time. Joe and I talked about driving out to his parents house because we missed the holiday party because Alex had a fever of 103 for 6 straight days. I wasn't going to take my sick little boy to a party when he felt like crud and also could spread whatever germs were cultivating themselves in his snot to all those at the party. He was fever free for 2 days finally so lets go we decided. Thank GOD the phone rang before we were done breakfast.

His father was calling because, he thinks that grandma took his pills, a lot of them. She isn't waking up right. It's been 2 days.

Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME??? Two days? Well, you see, they had an argument early in the morning on new years day. So he didn't realize she was in bed all day because she was wacked out on his pills.

Go, I told my husband. Just go. Call me, let me know.

Fear. Fear. Fear. A little bit of relief when he calls and says an ambulance is on it's way. She's awake but lethargic. Ok. Just get her to the hospital.

He calls again. She is writing him off, she is writing his sister off, she is writing her husband off. WE didn't go to her party. We hate her and her family. His sister won't leave her be, won't let her just go to sleep. Excuse me? You are now casting guilt to your children? ANGER.

She won't see them. She won't talk to them. She doesn't want them near her. More ANGER.

She is going home. She still hasn't spoken to her son. She hasn't apologized, she hasn't given a reason. She needs help. Is anybody listening? She needs help.

When my husband finally got home from the hospital, I came undone. I was scared and angry at the same time. Would this happen again? What will happen next? Where the hell did this come from?

The totality of my anger has surprised me. At first I didn't understand it. But, I have finally figured out the reasons for the intensity of my anger. First and foremost, she is not allowed to put that kind of fear and responsibility on her children. By sake of being " mother " you do not have permission to destroy your children. I will not give you the permission to make my husband, your son, feel like this is his fault. Period. Harsh? A bit. Where is my understanding you ask? You see, my understanding went away when she made it well known that my need for anti-depressant medications to battle severe post-partum depression is unacceptable. She DID NOT EVER FEEL DEPRESSED WHEN SHE HAD CHILDREN. Anger. I have been on that ledge. I have looked over and thought, all I have to do is jump and there will be no more pain. It hit me nearly as hard that if I did it, my children would be torn to pieces and they did not, do not, will not ever deserve that. Period. I got help. She looked down upon me. Anger. Clearly there is something deeper going on inside of her. Get help. Please do not do this to your children. You will not put my children through this. Get help.