My wishes

2012

For Anthony, my sensitive, smart, energetic boy: That you may develop your sense of self and know always that who you are is exactly who you are supposed to be. You are by far the most intelligent child I have ever met. I worry that it will be too much pressure for you at such a young age. I worry that in school you will not always be just like everyone else. Of course, nobody is just like anyone else. I hope you can cultivate long, lasting friendships. I wish I wasn't so much a loner myself that I don't know how to approach the other mother's and find ways for you to play with your friends outside of school. I am sure as you get a little older and a little more independent that you will be able to go meet up with friends and play, right now I feel like you are missing having playmates your own age.

It is an incredible joy to me watching you grow and learn. Your love of learning is something I hope you will always hold on to. Never stop learning, and never stop teaching. I love watching and hearing you help your sister write words. I hope you learn your Daddy's patience because when you do, you will be such a great teacher. You already love helping others and I really think you always will.

For Caitlin, my all in girl who loves blue, dirt, bugs and ballerina's: That you will always give everything you've got to your task or idea at hand. Never stop playing in the dirt, while wearing your best dress. If you take your individual style and apply it to everything you do you will always be doing something amazing. Your creativity and imagination are so beautiful. Continue to love and laugh with reckless abandon. I hope you will always find such joy in your life as you do now, wether it's petting the kitty or playing in the sand box you do it your own way, and that will take you places my love. Keep wearing your patent leather, yellow Doc's!

For Alex, my comedian and sweet, kind boy who does everything with all of his heart. From whole body Alex hugs to single minded obsessions. Don't ever forget the things you love. Explore all of your world. Always make people laugh, and never use your incredible sense of humor to hurt. I know that you will always laugh with people. You do not have a mean bone in your little body, yet you do know that you make an impact on everyone with everything you say and do. The smile on your face and joy in your words are incredible gifts to those around you.

These things and so much more are what I wish for my 3 babies. I don't know how to say all the things that I can feel deep inside my soul for you.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot like Christmas

When I first started thinking about Christmas creeping up on us it caused panic. Absolute panic. I want my kids to have the magic they deserve. A very materialistic perspective. The little people are very excited for Santa. They know the reason we celebrate Christmas. It is heartwarming hearing Caitlin singing Happy Birthday Baby Jesus, at the top of her lungs, or having her turn off the lights to watch the Christmas tree lights blink and say " it's so beautiful." They have gathered and donated an entire 30 gallon trash bag full of stuffed animal to the Bear Fair. They are the best kids.

This isn't the worst Christmas by far. The scariest Christmas was when my husband was diagnosed with Hodgkins disease. We weren't the Pinto's yet. There were no little monsters running around. But I already knew, without a doubt, that I wanted to be his wife. I didn't want to miss the opportunity to be his partner for life, even if it was shortened. God has blessed me in many ways. My husband has been in remission for 10 years. My 3 little monsters were not supposed to happen naturally, thanks to chemo. We beat that. We beat the big "C".

I know we can weather unemployment. We will make it through. We can, and will make this Christmas just as magical as any before. My 3 little monsters guarantee that!

A Little Smile Goes A Long Way

Blogging is slipping again, from the list of things to do. My husband doesn't have a job. We don't have health insurance. I am lucky to have my own job, one that can give me extra hours, because there are always people calling for help. But, I am tired. So, so tired. I know his job loss isn't his fault. Really, I do. But I find myself being so angry and resentful. It seems that only my life has changed. I am working 16 and 24 hour shifts. I am finding that my age is creeping up on me. My knees are sore, my back is sore and I am weary. I want to cry. I know that I am not the only person, mother, wife to feel like this. But sometimes it feels like I am so alone. I miss my babies so badly yet I get short tempered and snap at them. I want to halt time so they can stay little for just a moment longer and yet I want them to get older so I can come in from work at 7am and go to sleep. Depression sucks. Even if all were right in my little world it would still be there creeping in like a serpent trying to suck me down into it's deep, dark, vacuum. My babies are happy, they are healthy, we do have a roof over our heads, heat comes from our furnace, water runs cool or warm. We have enough to eat. I know it could be so much worse.

We splurged big time last Friday and took the kids to see Arthur Christmas. They all got a box of candy (from 5 Below) and we shared a large soda and popcorn. They all loved it and wore their 3D glasses and it almost made me feel completely better for having missed Thanksgiving with them because I worked.

Alex is totally our comedian. He has made me want to strangle him and laugh out loud in the exact same moment from his antics. As I scolded my oldest for inappropriate behavior at the dining room table, Alex says " hey Mommy, you be nice to Anthony." So, I sternly tell my Alex, " you are being fresh, you do not talk to Mommy or Daddy like that, do not talk back." To which Alex slaps his forehead while saying " wooont woont woont!" " I am a secret agent." "Yes, Alex you are a secret agent!" And a Mimja Mommy, a mimja fireman.

At least he made me smile again :o)

My secret agent, ninja fireman wearing his 3D glasses at his first movie!