I remember when my oldest son was an only child and I would hold his foot in my hand while I drove and he screamed because it was what I could reach. Now, with 3 toddler's I haven't found a way to soothe all 3 and resort to screaming, rolling down all the windows and turning the radio up. I just want to remember to take it moment by moment and hopefully the calm will take over. Reading that another mother has learned leads me to realized we all are learning as we go. I will always keep trying to be a better mother and one day I will realize that I have learned along the way.
My problem is in getting there, to the point where I have learned. I don't really have a good role model to fall back on. Children learn what they live has never been a truer statement. I did not learn patience from my mother. I did not learn to use a soft voice from my mother. I did not learn how to stop a tantrum before it starts from my mother. I did not learn how to teach by example. I learned to be afraid. I learned that yelling and hitting were what mother's do. I want to unlearn it all so I can teach my children patience, kindness, tenderness, hugs and kisses and generosity and humility. They deserve it.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Home of the brave
My father arrived at my house to pick up my kids for the afternoon, clearly there was something wrong. His eyes we red and watery. He begins to tell me, "there was a house on fire, it was my friend Hank's. " I asked a firefighter if Hank got out, he told me no. " My dad is the strong force in my life, isn't that usually the way it is? His voice quivered, his eyes watered and my kids were clamoring for Pop pop. I told them to go upstairs and find their shoes, which usually takes a half hour, but of course took less than 3 minutes today. My heart was breaking for my dad as he was telling me this. I was a firefighter in times past, I knew from details my dad had learned that the outcome was grim for his friend. I knew I could find out more details, I still have "connections" to the fire service and work as a paramedic in the same area. My Dad said he didn't need to know, he already did. He also said that he was told because the homeowner was a "hoarder" the firefighters had a difficult time getting in, and didn't want to take unnecessary risks. I understand this, very clearly. But the risks and service Hank gave his fellow men exceeded any expectation.
The thing that makes this all the more heart wrenching is how my dad and Hank became friends. They both were at a memorial day parade wearing their Vietnam veteran hats. Hank was by himself, he was disheveled and appeared homeless. My dad found out that Hank did have a home, but he was basically a recluse. Hank had the kind of scars from his service in Vietnam that can't be seen with the naked eye. He was a medic. His specific job was to be with any man waking up from a surgery/injury when a limb or limbs were lost. Hank had to tell these boys that they we missing an arm or leg, or multiple arms and legs. He stayed with them until they were "ok." He stayed with so many young men for hours trying to help them grasp that they were severely injured. He never faltered in his job.
When Hank came home from Vietnam, scarred and weary and adrift, society did not help him. He became the " freak", " weird guy". The person mothers told their children to stay away from because he was a "loner" that still lived with his mother. After all, what decent young man chooses to live with his mother? For years Hank suffered with his internal pain and no one helped. When a nurse in Hank's unit became afflicted with leukemia and was dying, Hank took care of his friend until she died. Hank died in a fire today, because the community he lives in cast him aside, wrote him off. In the United States of America, a veteran should never be left to suffer with any type of wounds. Internal or external. Where is community when one who gave so much to insure our freedom is suffering?
My dad gave Hank a ride home from the parade, he saw that the home he lived in was in bad shape. There were notices from the "authorities" about fines if things weren't cleaned up, made right. Hank could not run his lawn mower without seeing countless faces of injured boys. So, he didn't run the lawn mower and he hid in his house. My dad mowed his lawn. My dad reached out to a fellow vet and today my dad grieves in a way that I may not quite ever understand. I have not lived through what my dad and Hank lived through.
I feel so much pain and heartache for my dad though. I hope he knows that when everyone else failed Hank, he did not. Nothing he could have done would have prevented today's tragedy. Hank needed more help than one person could give. Hank needed his community to help, to respect, to appreciate, to thank a veteran. Hank is now at the right hand of God, resting in the peace he so deserves.
In this day, there are many war seasoned vets, young guys and girls, older men and women who suffer the suffering of all that they witness and laid eyes to. Thank our veterans, they provide our land of the free because they are the brave ones. Please don't let a veteran suffer alone.
*** Hank is not my dad's friend's real name.
The thing that makes this all the more heart wrenching is how my dad and Hank became friends. They both were at a memorial day parade wearing their Vietnam veteran hats. Hank was by himself, he was disheveled and appeared homeless. My dad found out that Hank did have a home, but he was basically a recluse. Hank had the kind of scars from his service in Vietnam that can't be seen with the naked eye. He was a medic. His specific job was to be with any man waking up from a surgery/injury when a limb or limbs were lost. Hank had to tell these boys that they we missing an arm or leg, or multiple arms and legs. He stayed with them until they were "ok." He stayed with so many young men for hours trying to help them grasp that they were severely injured. He never faltered in his job.
When Hank came home from Vietnam, scarred and weary and adrift, society did not help him. He became the " freak", " weird guy". The person mothers told their children to stay away from because he was a "loner" that still lived with his mother. After all, what decent young man chooses to live with his mother? For years Hank suffered with his internal pain and no one helped. When a nurse in Hank's unit became afflicted with leukemia and was dying, Hank took care of his friend until she died. Hank died in a fire today, because the community he lives in cast him aside, wrote him off. In the United States of America, a veteran should never be left to suffer with any type of wounds. Internal or external. Where is community when one who gave so much to insure our freedom is suffering?
My dad gave Hank a ride home from the parade, he saw that the home he lived in was in bad shape. There were notices from the "authorities" about fines if things weren't cleaned up, made right. Hank could not run his lawn mower without seeing countless faces of injured boys. So, he didn't run the lawn mower and he hid in his house. My dad mowed his lawn. My dad reached out to a fellow vet and today my dad grieves in a way that I may not quite ever understand. I have not lived through what my dad and Hank lived through.
I feel so much pain and heartache for my dad though. I hope he knows that when everyone else failed Hank, he did not. Nothing he could have done would have prevented today's tragedy. Hank needed more help than one person could give. Hank needed his community to help, to respect, to appreciate, to thank a veteran. Hank is now at the right hand of God, resting in the peace he so deserves.
In this day, there are many war seasoned vets, young guys and girls, older men and women who suffer the suffering of all that they witness and laid eyes to. Thank our veterans, they provide our land of the free because they are the brave ones. Please don't let a veteran suffer alone.
*** Hank is not my dad's friend's real name.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Sand and water tame the herd!
Seven gorgeous days in the Outer Banks. 150 magic feet from the beach. My kids were in heaven. I was at ease, peaceful almost, calmer definitely. I think I should relocate to a beach front property on an always warm coastline. Pipe dream over. 
We went to the beach every day. The first "day" was really night time and the high tide was so high we couldn't walk off the deck that allowed us to cross the dunes. It was awesome seeing those waves that first night. It was a preview to the next few days though. Sunday and Monday had really strong undertow and rip currents from TS Brett being out there somewhere, I swear the ocean wanted to eat my children as snacks. Very strong waves and currents. The rest of the week was calmer and the ocean took on a freezer like temperature that did not deter my budding little surfers'.
There was also kite flying, ice cream and the North Carolina Aquarium.
We shared our vacation home in the Outer Banks, " Hour Binks" if you ask Alex, with my sister in law and her husband. Actually they shared with us. I am so glad we did, and so glad they are Aunt and Uncle to my children. They have more patience and energy than I do and my kids basked in it. It is so nice to know that others, really do love the kids as much as I do.
I could add picture after picture. But I won't.
We went to the beach every day. The first "day" was really night time and the high tide was so high we couldn't walk off the deck that allowed us to cross the dunes. It was awesome seeing those waves that first night. It was a preview to the next few days though. Sunday and Monday had really strong undertow and rip currents from TS Brett being out there somewhere, I swear the ocean wanted to eat my children as snacks. Very strong waves and currents. The rest of the week was calmer and the ocean took on a freezer like temperature that did not deter my budding little surfers'.
There was also kite flying, ice cream and the North Carolina Aquarium.
We shared our vacation home in the Outer Banks, " Hour Binks" if you ask Alex, with my sister in law and her husband. Actually they shared with us. I am so glad we did, and so glad they are Aunt and Uncle to my children. They have more patience and energy than I do and my kids basked in it. It is so nice to know that others, really do love the kids as much as I do.
I could add picture after picture. But I won't.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Going on Vacation
All week I have been getting ready to go on vacation. I laugh at the thought of traveling 8 or more hours in a car with the 3 kids elbow to elbow in the back seat of the car, it scares the hell out of me actually. I have planned reinforcements for this trip tough. We ordered a portable DVD player with 2 screens that fit on the headrests of the front seats! Hopefully this will keep them distracted for awhile. I have resisted having TV in the car, is there no place where we can't be without electronic devices? I have decided my sanity is worth the acquiesce. I plan on setting the guideline that it may only be put in use for trips over an hour long. Let's see how that goes! T minus 2 days to OBX!
A recent picture from the Jersey shore, they all loved it so really I am very excited to get them to Nags Head where we will be literally 100 feet from the beach!
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