My third child, my baby boy was the biggest, best, scariest surprise I ever received. Biggest, because the only bigger surprise I can think of is well, I can't. Best, because I wouldn't trade him for anything. Scariest, well, I wasn't planning on a third. His sister was only six months old. We were BROKE. Broke. I already had postpartum depression, how the hell could this be happening again??? Well, I know how it happened, but really God, do you really think this is a good idea? Me, as a mother of 2 is kind of pathetic, you are going to add a THIRD to this mix, and what? You'll hope for the best for the child, for the mother? I was so scared. I was so angry. And then scared again. I already doubted my ability to mother the children I had. I felt overwhelmed and anxious and I worried all the time. I didn't have fun with this thing called motherhood, and here we go again. That was three years ago.
I still have PPD. I still have fear. We are still broke. I still don't know how to have fun with this thing called motherhood on many days. But oh how they make me melt. Especially this third child, my baby boy who is not a baby anymore. He is 3 now. He will start preschool, and I will cry when I let him. Because he is my "last" baby. Happy Birthday Alex! You are such a funny boy. You are strong willed and you really know that people see you. You know you leave a mark! You add hilarity to everything you do even when I am restraining my self from locking you in a closet! The way you tell me " shhh mommy, you need to use nice words to me!" makes me want to laugh my ass off and swat your behind at the same time. You still LOVE your " NIE-NITE!" I do too kiddo. Love you my little man.
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